#for people who dont know: its a survival reality show taking place literally in the country where alexander pearce escaped

[alexanderpearce]

do u think the contestants in Alone are allowed to eat each other?

anon i am kissing you on the mouth that is all i could think about when i heard about this show. its even on the west coast!!!

[elfdyke]

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling. 

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

+

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy 

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

[heyitsyn]

Oh God

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!! Part 2

a/n: hehe i wouldnt put ‘x haikyuu’ if manager y/n ends up with that certain character. youll just have to,,,, wait for the end 😏

he didnt want to lie but he had to so he could survive

hinata offered his hand to help him up and natsu winced at the scratches and the slight headache as he stood on his two feet

‘you okay?’

hinata asked and natsu nodded

‘yea, just a headache’

natsu tried to play it off as cooly as he could bc this must’ve been from the car hit before and he couldnt just say he got ran over by a damn car

‘where do you live? i can go and treat your wounds there’

natsu was about to respond but he remembers hes not in tokyo anymore and he cant just spout out his address

so he did the thing his mom told him to do whenever it was necessary

he lied

‘i-um,,,’

he fumbled for an excuse but he sighed to maintain the act

‘i got kicked out’

he mumbled and hinata had to make him repeat it twice because he said it so quietly

the tangerine boy gasped and held his arms

‘what?! why?!’

natsu sniffled

‘my dad,,,, he just,,, doesnt want me’

well, that was actually true

so a true statement could equal that lie, right?

thankfully, hinata bought it and he grabbed his arm to walk forward while his other was pushing his bike

‘i hit you with my bike so the least i could do is take you to my house and treat you!’

and that was what they did

natsu’s phone was dead even though he was sure he charged it from denki’s powerbank during practice but it remained its black screen no matter how many times he hit the power button

his surroundings was also something unfamiliar

his mother only kept him in tokyo and never took him to go visit her family because she was kicked out and had to go live with her auntie when she found out about him and his father refused to help her

‘so, sendai, huh?’

he mumbled and hinata looked at him confused

‘sounds like youre not from around here. where you from?’

‘t-tokyo’

he replied and saw hinata’s eyes brighten

‘oh?! you look like youre my age so you must have been in a high school in tokyo, right? what school?’

‘yuuei’

‘hah?! yuuei?! what is that?!’

natsu rolled his eyes and shrugged

‘a school’

hinata persisted though

‘do you know other schools?! any other school friends?! like nekoma?! or fukurodani?!’

natsu shook his head and he was supposed to be happy that he got to meet, even talk, to his idol yet his younger self was much more hyper than his mellowed out behavior on tv

‘i stick to my friends from yuuei’

‘but what are you doing all the way here?’

natsu’s throat dried up and he watched his feet kick the pebbles to distract him of his urge to just whine and throw a tantrum with the confusion from this mess

‘i dont know’

he choked out and he was so tired and confused and all he wants to do is cry in his mother’s arms like he used to but she doesnt even know he exists

hinata sensed the tension and sadness from the boy beside him and tried his best to stay quiet until they get home

to say his mom was angry was an understatement

‘SHOYO, DONT YOU KNOW TO WATCH WHERE YOURE GOING?!’

‘kaa-san i was so angry and bakageyama was yelling at me and hit me and-’

‘THAT DOESNT GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO RUN SOMEONE OVER!’

natsu sat there on their couch awkwardly watching the black-haired woman yell at the human tangerine

he coughed in impulse and she turned away from her son and went to sit next to the h/c boy

‘dear, im so sorry for my son and his terrible biking. i didnt catch your name when you entered, what is it?’

even hinata forgot to ask his name but thats such a hinata thing to do though

natsu froze

if he was to say his mother’s last name, it would raise suspicion that he might know her in this time period and izuku has shown him enough doctor who to show him what happens when he messes up in time

again, he lied

‘kiri,,,shima,,, natsu. kirishima natsu’

he inwardly apologized to eijirou for using his last name

mrs. hinata raised a hand to her mouth with a surprised gasp

‘oh! my daughter’s name is also natsu! natsu, dear! can you come here for a second?’

natsu heard soft sounds from the stairs and she shyly walked down 

‘come say hi’

she softly urged her daughter to come closer and the little girl ran to hide behind her older brother who gently smiled and held her hand

‘well, thats her. she just turned 10 a few days ago. look dear, kirishima-kun has the same name as you!’

she waved slightly and natsu felt his heart swell at the sight of the adorable little girl

his mother never really had time for relationships so he was an only child and never got to experience a sibling, only hearing the experience of having siblings from his friend, shouto

mrs. hinata placed a gentle hand on his arm to revert his attention back to her

‘shoyo told me what happened and im sorry that this is all happening to you’

he felt guilty at the sight of her sad eyes because this was all a lie but he knew if he told them the real reason, they wouldnt believe him

so he had to continue with the lie

‘everything was falling apart and i wanted to leave everything behind. so i just took the shinkansen to nowhere and ended up here’

mrs. hinata felt her heart tug because he was just a little boy and he was too young to experience this so she offered him something he shouldnt have agreed to but again, survival

‘you can stay with us in the mean time. our guest room has been collecting dust so you can live here’

‘what? no! i can’t!’

natsu instinctually turned it down because he hated people giving him charity

but the woman squeezed his arm to give him a smile

‘i will not allow a child to live in the streets because of something he couldnt help’

‘arent you worried youre inviting a total stranger in your home?’

but she gave him a knowing smile

‘im a mother. i can trust you, boy’

in exchange for board and food, he promised to get a part time job so he could pay her back and get out of their house as quickly as he could

shoyo led him to the bathroom upstairs so he could treat the wounds from the ground

natsu sat on the closed toilet seat while his literal idol was putting cream on his boo-boos

he still cant wrap his head with everything

maybe it was because he was so busy trying to come up with lies that he wasnt able to fully sit down and think about the fact that he just TRAVELED BACK IN TIME and could accidentally change it

‘shoyo, what year is it?’

he mumbled

‘2012′

he answered and natsu sighed but his head perked up

oh god

2012

thats a year away from 2013

the year he was born

that meant shoyo’s team manager was going to give birth to him next year

‘why? did you hit your head so far that you forgot?’

hinata joked but he paled when natsu didnt laugh

‘OH GOD DID YOU?!’

‘NO! AND STOP YELLING!’

natsu shouted, equally surprised

‘whew, thank god. again, im so sorry i hit you’

‘shoyo, dont worry about it, okay? im fine, i swear’

during dinner, mrs. hinata told him about his school situation

‘you can go to karasuno with shoyo. what year were you in?’

‘first’

‘perfect! shoyo is too so he could easily help you around the school!’

natsu nodded quietly, still out of it and his brain finally starting to accept this impossible reality

‘but i dont think i could help you with the entrance exams. im not the most-um-smartest, per se’

shoyo apologized but natsu already knew that

he was no extreme fanatic but he knew quite a lot about hinata shoyo, the player he watched during the 2021 olympics and the reason he started playing volleyball

natsu dreamed to join the msby jackals just like his idol did and eventually reach the national team like hinata did

it was during the olympics of 2021, he knew he wanted to be like him

this boy who sat next to him was the reason he came to love volleyball along with his other idol, oikawa tooru, from the argentina volleyball team after seeing that legendary match 

when oikawa hit that service ace, natsu wanted to be able to receive that

he was merely 8 and his neighbor, midoriya inko, was babysitting him and she placed him and her son who was his friend, izuku, in front of the tv where they watched the olympics match

‘someday, ill be someone great. ill be great like him’

he promised and from then on, he worked to achieve that goal 

‘natsu? hello?’

he was shaken from his thoughts as shoyo nudged him back to reality

mrs. hinata laughed

‘maybe you should head to bed early, dear. you must be tired after having a hard journey’

he nodded and was about to go and wash his dishes when she stopped him

‘no. go and sleep, ill take care of this’

‘i have to do my part in here, hinata-san. please, let me do this’

she finally agreed and he was scrubbing the plates when his mind wandered over to possible solutions on how he could go back

there was an episode that he watched with izuku that the character had to do something to go back

and he had a feeling that he would have to do the same thing

but what would that something be?

there had to be a reason he was thrown all the way in this time and it couldnt just be a coincidence that supposedly, this would be around the same time his mother would get pregnant

but who would it be?

he finished putting the plates on the drying rack and he felt really thirsty suddenly

opening the fridge, he found no water bottles and natsu had a very sensitive stomach so he couldnt drink tap water

his next favorite beverage was there and he pulled a glass from the cabinet

‘hinata-san, is it okay if i can have some milk?’

he called out and she shouted that it was okay

natsu poured the drink on his glass and started drinking it when hinata entered the kitchen and snickered at him

‘yknow, you remind me of my idiot teammate. none of my other friends drink straight milk except for him’

natsu placed the glass down and wiped his lips

‘chocolate milk make me sick and i hate the taste of flavoring in milk. but i just hate flavoring in general. except for gari gari popsicles, those are good’

natsu reasoned, watching hinata move across the room to get an apple

‘still ew. but come on! lets go to bed so i can show you around school early before practice tomorrow!’

natsu noticed his excitement by the way he bounced in place and he chuckled

it reminded him of his friends mina and denki

hinata led them both to his room so he could check his wounds again just to make sure

then something caught his eye

‘kirishima-kun you like volleyball?!’

that threw him off

partly because he wasnt used to being called by his friend’s last name

but also because of the question

‘huh? how do you know that?’

natsu asked, almost defensively

hinata shrugged

‘i saw your volleyball shoes in your bag’

hinata reasoned and excitedly pointed at them

‘you should play for us! im part of the team too! oh oh! what position do you play?!’

‘l-libero’

natsu stuttered out, slightly overwhelmed by hinata’s energy

hinata started circling him, inspecting his height and looking at him up and down

‘yanno, kirishima-kun, youre really tall. like much taller than the rest of my club. maybe not saltyshima but really!! youre so tall!!’

hinata whined in envy and natsu laughed

‘blame it on the paternal side of the family. my ma isnt really tall’

he laughs but then memories of his mother resurfaced and he suddenly felt gloomy, guilty, even, bc he doesnt know if time stopped there or it kept going and if so, shes probably worried sick

and he knew she was always one who blamed herself

hinata noticed his downcast expression and thought he probably remembers his dad and got sad since he got kicked out

so our baby sunshine freaked out and he frantically waved his hands around

‘oh no! gomen kiri-kun! gomen! i really didnt mean to make you think about him! gomen!!!’

he even bowed which surprised the h/c boy and made him stand back up

‘o-oi shoyo! dont! you didnt because i wasnt thinking about him!’

he fussed and patted hinata’s hair

‘i dont care about him. to be honest, there isnt much to think about’

he didnt think about what he said until he heard himself

natsu’s eyes widened, fearful of how hinata could take it but he flinched when the orange-haired boy’s eyes were filled with his own tears

‘OH NO!! KIRI-KUN!!!’

then launched another series of apologies and natsu had to calm him down

oh dear

it was early in the morning like 5 when hinata bursted into natsu’s room

the loud shout of shoyo made his eyes blink open and he groaned before turning to the side

‘come on, kiri-kun! we need to go to take your exam!’

‘nooooooooo’

‘yeeessssssss’

it was quite a battle for hinata to even just get natsu out of bed but he managed to bribe the latter with some milk bread from the bakery down the street

‘2′

natsu showed his two fingers and hinata sighed before nodding

‘yes. now go hurry so we can leave!’

dressed in his grey sweatpants and a yuuei sweatshirt, natsu cursed as he only has clothes good for 2 days and he didnt want to bother the hinatas so he was at a loss

mrs hinata bid the two boys good bye and natsu was yawning and dragging his body to walk while hinata was skipping over to his bike

then he finally realized the problem

he nervously looked at natsu and the taller boy didnt understand why he was looking at him that way

‘what?’

shoyo pointed at the bike and awkwardly smiled

‘uh,,, you see,,, i dont think youd,,, fit,,, at the back seat’

natsu shrugged

‘then ill bike. ive done it before’

he sauntered over to the bike and swiftly lifted his leg before testing out the brake handles

‘its good and better than mine back home’

‘a-are you-’

‘sit down, sho’

hinata gripped on to the back of natsu’s sweatshirt as he told him the directions to how to get to the school

natsu remembered watching an interview of hinata talking about his high-school life and he remembered the star player talking about his dedication to go to karasuno everyday for volleyball

and the boy couldn’t believe hes doing that right now, with his idol literally behind him, and driving to the legendary karasuno high school

from the jackals to the adlers and even some other teams like the frogs, natsu cheered for them

there was a memory of his mother sitting with him on their couch during one of her rare day offs as they rewatched the recorded copy of the olympics

it has become natsu’s favorite thing to watch

‘with great talent comes great hardships. people don’t become good overnight and i watched those people suffer through it all but look where they are now’

‘KIRISHIMA, WATCH OUT! COWS CROSSING!’

natsu was snapped out of his thoughts at hinata’s shout

then it morphed into pure and utter confusion

‘cows?’

shoyo laughed

‘since youre from the city, this must be a weird sight for you, huh? well, in the countryside, this happens a lot!’

but natsu didnt mind

in fact, he loved cows

he loved any farm animal in general

maybe it was his upbringing in the hustle and bustle of the city that he grew to love the countryside

shoto took him with his family to a trip to the country once and he remembered loving the smell of grass

they were able to do an activity in a farm where they worked in a rice farm and the peace and serenity was something he will always remember

his mother was lucky she grew up in a place like this

‘kiri-kun, ive been wanting to ask, how is your volleyball team in the city? are you a powerhouse?’

natsu felt pride bubble up in his chest

‘of course! we got second place in nationals!’

he boasted and blurted out before he could stop himself

then he felt fear

he shouldnt have said that because for all he knows, yuuei probably doesn’t exist at this time period

hinata had a different reaction and his eyes shone

‘WHAT?! WOAH! SO COOL! I HAVE TO TELL OUR CAPTAIN THAT WE’RE GETTING A POWERHOUSE STUDENT!’

‘uh-i-uh-’

natsu didnt know what to say because he had a feeling he definitely just did an oopsie

so he switched topics really quick to divert the attention away from his past

‘o-oi sho, once youre done being a pro volleyball player and stuff, we should have our own rice farm’

of course it was such a random idea but it distracted the orange boy

hinata shrugged

‘i mean,,, i have to be a pro first but i guess we can!’

‘hmm,,,, i dont think you have to worry about that’

.................................................

taglist:

@hartbeat-art​ @yakus-yakult​ @nerdyphantomlady​ @jollycowboysaladhero​ @cynicallychaotic​ 

a/n: oh god this sat in my drafts for so long and i really dont know what im doing like i kinda have a rough outline of what im doing but im just going with the flow but i dont think the flow is quite flowy 

[peachiikawa]

Fly | Route Selected: O. Tooru

genre: mafia au, choose your own adventure

warnings: honestly nothing too bad in this route

word count: 3.1k

Fly Masterlist

“I choose--”

But before you could even finish your sentence, the front door opened and an arm draped around your shoulders

“They’ll be with me”

You looked to see who had just walked in and were stunned to see such a beautiful man

“Very funny oikawa, now let them go. This is a personal matter”

Daichi took a step forward and you could feel the tension in the air

But the silence was broken with a chuckle from oikawa

“Dont worry so much daichi. They arent just a threat to you theyre a threat to the entire community so to make your burden easier ill gladly take them in. you have better things to worry about anyways”

The smile on his face was far from a friendly one

Even you could tell it was a bit condescending and it made you a bit scared

He led you out the door but not before turning his head one last time

“Tell your old man seijou gives their regards”

With that he led you to his car and got you buckled in

“Now where do you live..?”

“My name is y/n and i live down the street and around the block”

He drove you home and made sure you got into your apartment

“Come in tomorrow whenever youd like, preferable before noon though. Heres my card if you have any questions. Goodnight y/n!”

He kept the conversation brief and didnt look back as he left

As soon as you closed the door you leaned against it and slid down onto the ground

Just what had you gotten yourself into?

You couldnt really sleep that night knowing that in the morning you were going to be working with the mafia

So you took an early shower and got to the address on the card oikawa gave you the night before around eight o’clock

You took a nervous breath before walking into the gigantic corporate building

‘Seijoh Industries’

The company had a long reputation of being in the modeling and fashion industry

It scared you to think that so many big companies were involved in who knows what else

You pushed the glass doors open and immediately got lost

Like how do you even navigate the inside of this building???

It wasnt long before you got stopped

...by some guy with blonde hair with lines in them

Was he trying to look like a tennis ball??

As he steps toward you you take one back until youre against a wall

“What the fuck are you doing here? Youd better leave. Now”

You feel like your stomach is about to drop before you hear that all too familiar voice

“Maddog what are you doing to y/n! Its their first day you shouldnt be so mean”

Oikawa grabbed your hand and led you down the hall to a pristine office

He sat down behind his desk and organized a few papers for you

“Youre here bright and early. I was half expecting you to just not show up”

His eyes glanced up from the papers in his hands for a brief moment

“But im glad you did it would have been a..hassle to find you”

The way that sentence came out of his mouth with that smile on his face sent a shiver down your back

He handed you a few papers and a list of tasks to do

Most of which consisted of you running errands and organizing some cabinets around the building

“Finish those and if you get done with that before the end of the day you can do whatever. Just dont poke your nose where it doesnt belong”

The smile on his face never left once your entire conversation and it left you with a weird feeling in your gut

As you turned to leave you just couldnt shake the weird feeling you got every time you saw it

But you went on your way, trying not to think about it too hard

You did each task with ease and you really thought that some of them were a bit unnecessary since most of the things on the list were already done

It was almost therapeutic doing normal things, it at least made you feel less nervous

It didnt take you long before you finished your tasks

“Hey you”

You jumped at the sound of someone’s voice and slowly turned towards a man with short and spiky brown hair

He held out a couple of papers to you

“I need you to make a few copies of these and then bring them to trashykawa”

Your eyebrows furrowed and he noticed your confusion

“I mean Oikawa. Sorry, force of habit. Im Iwaizumi by the way. I work over in communications''

You fumbled with the papers in your hands, trying to get a grip before he noticed how nervous you were

His sharp eyes were fixed on you which made you even more self-conscious 

You let out a shaky breath before introducing yourself

“Im y/n. Its my first day working here”

He nodded his head

“Yeah well just lay low if you want to survive this mess. Ill see you later y/n.”

A few weeks go by and it seems to be the same thing filling your days

This place wasnt as scary as you first thought and everyone seemed nice enough

The beeping from the copy machine brought you back to reality from your daydream and headed back to oikawas office

Though you had been here for almost a month now, it never got easier to be around him

Something was just too off putting about him

You took a deep breathe before knocking on the door to which you got a muffled “come in”

He didnt look up as you set the papers on his desk and only looked back up at you when he didnt hear your leave

He took off the glasses he was wearing and set them down in front of him

“Can i help you with something?”

Again, that smile on his face just...didnt feel right

“I was done with my work, is there anything else I can do for you?”

He just shook his head

“That should be it for me! Why dont you go see if iwa needs anything?”

You could tell that he wanted nothing more than to have just a moment to himself

And the constant flow of people probably didnt help

“This might be bold of me to say but that smile you wear around people...you dont need to put up any false pretenses around me. I know my situation and I know it isnt all sunshine and rainbows so feel free to be yourself around me. So one last time, before I go, do you need anything?”

His eyes were wide at what you just said

You had only been here for what? A few weeks? With minimal contact as well

So how did you notice?

The only other person whos ever called him out on it was iwaizumi

And he hated being read like this but he kept that smile up

“Nope im fine”

You nodded and left, closing the door behind you

And as soon as you did he threw his pen down on his desk and held his head in his hands

How...how did you see through him

He had carefully made this mask of his so that no one would be able to see how he was feeling

Emotions were a weakness

He didnt need them

And he sure as hell didnt need you

The next week he made it his mission to completely ice you out

No contact at all

And it made you kind of frustrated

The man steals you away from the other mafia you almost became affiliated with and just throws you to the side?

So you went to him after him doing whatever he could to make sure he avoided you

The man literally had tennis-head outside of his office to scare you away

“What are you doing”

The sudden voice behind you almost made you scream

“Oh iwaizumi! Dont scare me like that!”

You smacked his shoulder as you two hid around the corner from oikawas office

“If you must know im trying to get into oikawas office. I'm sick of his avoiding me like im the plague”

Iwaizumi let out a deep sigh

He knew why oikawa was avoiding you

And he also thought it was a little much

Wasnt it about time he stopped being scared?

“Tell you what y/n, ill distract kenta and while i do you can sneak into oikawas office”

Your eyes sparkled and he almost wanted to laugh

“Really?!” 

He nodded and patted your head

“Get that idiot out of his funk”

He then walked up to kenta and walked off with him, giving you a thumbs up behind his back

And when they were out of sight you knocked on oikawas door and didnt wait for him to respond before barging in

To say he was shocked was an understatement

“What are you-”

“Stop. Before you go on about how youre busy just please listen to me. I dont know what i did to deserve this amount of avoidance but if its about what i said that day, i dont regret what i said. And i wish you would stop avoiding your problems and just confront them”

Confront his problems?

What the hell do you know about his problems

“So you came in here to tell me that? What the fuck do you know about me? Youre just some street rat that poked their nose where it didnt belong. You dont know me so stop trying to tell me what to fucking do! Emotions make you weak and i dont need that”

At this point he had you backed against a wall

And when he realized what just happened he pushed himself away from you

God what the hell was he even doing

Hes spent years perfecting his facade

And then you come barging in and it just breaks?

You slowly approached him and put a hand on his shoulder

“See? Was that so bad? Honestly, seeing you like that was refreshing. Feel free to keep the mindset that emotions make you weak, i wont try to convince you otherwise. Thats a realization you need to make on your own but for now please dont hold back around me”

For the first time in a while oikawas heart stood still, almost as if he could feel himself again

“Whatever. I still have paperwork to do so leave or make yourself useful”

He shrugged your hand off of him and went back to his desk

You just smiled and nodded your head

“Ill be back with a coffee for you!”

And when you exited you bumped into the back of kentarou

“Ah sorry! Ill be back!”

As you ran off kenta took a step toward you

“What the hell..get back here!”

But before he could take another oikawa cleared his throat

“You can leave your post mad-dog. Youre no longer needed here”

Kenta nodded his head but was too shocked to move for a moment, caught off guard by the small smile that lingered on his boss’ face

The couple weeks after that you were allowed back in his office and he even started to request your presence at times for no other reason than he just wanted you to sit in the room with him

And that smile he used to give you was now replaced by a soft, genuine smile that made your heart flutter

Little things started to become more noticeable to you

Like how cute it was when he pouted his lips when he was really focused

And honestly he was too

Your smile was maddening

And your laugh made him feel like he was being swallowed whole, unable to breath

It scared him

Nothing good has ever happened when he became emotionally attached to someone

“Oikawa, are you okay?”

You put your hand up to his forehead and checked for a fever

He could feel his cheeks heating up and gently swatted your hand away

“No im fine. Dont worry about me”

He watched your face fill with concern and his heart lurched forward

This feeling...it scared him. But for now, if its you, hes willing to see where this goes

“Good morning oikawa!”

You walked into his office with his morning coffee which he gladly took from your hands

“Good morning y/n”

He had a job later and needed all the energy he could get

But not before having his morning conversation with you

“I'm leaving around noon with maki and mattsun. Iwa’s in charge till i get back so if you need anything ask him”

You could tell by the way he was talking that it was something serious and therefore probably something to do with the mafia

Sure you had done a few things for Seijoh like fax some papers and have oikawa sign a few things but nothing to where oikawa needed to leave has ever come up

He could see anxiety cloud over your face

“Hey”

He grabbed your hand and gave it a small squeeze

“I’ll be fine. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

You nodded your head

“Please be safe”

Worry reflected in your eyes and it made him almost go weak

All he could do was nod and give a half smile

The entire time he was away you sat at his desk anxiously waiting for his return

...

“Cough up the money oikawa. We had a deal”

Oikawa looked at the man in front of him with his trademark empty smile

“That wasnt our deal. Now give us what you owe”

The room was tense but nothing that oikawa hasnt dealed with before

But his world soon turned upside down with what was thrown on the table that stood between them next

The color drained from his face as he looked at pictures taken of you without anyone knowing

“Where the hell did you get these”

The man in front of him just laughed

“Now thats an interesting expression oikawa. Never thought id see the day where that smile of yours wasnt on your face”

His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clenching his fists

“You know, it would almost be a shame if something were to happen to them”

Oikawas eyes widened in fear

It felt as if time around him had stopped for this one moment

And it made him want to puke

“Dont you dare lay a hand on them”

His jaw was so tense that he thought he was about to pop a blood vessel

“Then give us the money”

He wasnt left with much of a choice

So he did what he was told

“See? Was that so hard?”

“Are we done here?”

He was itching to get back as soon as possible

To make sure you were okay

He couldnt rest until he knew you were fine

“Yes now leave”

The car ride seemed to last forever, maki and mattsun had never seen their boss like this and exchanged subtle glances the entire ride

As soon as the car stopped he ran into the building and to your desk

And when he saw you werent there his heart dropped

‘Where are you, y/n?!’

The only other place you could be was his office

He slammed his door open only to see you jump up from his desk, the sleep in your eyes still evident

He let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding as soon as his eyes landed on you

He went straight over to you and pulled you into his arms

The tightness of the hold around you was comforting yet alarming

You brought your arms up to wrap around him and you swear you could feel him slightly shaking

“Oikawa?”

You voice was soft and made him feel weak in the knees

“Just…let me stay like this for a moment”

After that day you were moved into his home and he never left your side

He never fully explained what happened that day

But you knew it had shaken him

Especially since you havent seen his smile since then

You were escorted everywhere

And when you asked why you were only given the short answer of “i said i’d guard you so i'm doing that”

You didnt mind being with him, really

If anything you liked being able to be with him all the time

You just hoped you werent being a hindrance

So one night as you laid in bed while oikawa sat on the ground next to you leaning against the bed frame, you turned towards him

He had been doing this lately to “guard” you and you knew he wasnt sleeping much

“Oikawa”

His eyes immediately met yours

“Am i being a burden on you?”

Though it was dark, he could hear the sadness in your voice

“I just feel like ive been holding you back lately and thats the last thing i want to do”

He cupped your face with his hand and gently stroked your cheek

“Not to mention that you havent smiled once since coming back that day and it just all feels very distant and lonesome. I hope you know that you can talk to me, i’ll never judge you for anything”

And in those few simple words the gate that had been holding back all of his emotions back suddenly broke

“y/n im scared”

His head hung low as his lips trembled

“Im scared to lose you and im scared that ive become weak since being with you but i just cant let you go. Losing you makes me feel more terrified than anything else”

The thought of losing you made it feel as if he was drowning and the water was filling his lungs with a burning sensation

You sat up in your bed and took his hand in yours

“Then why dont you turn that fear into strength? Hiding me...putting me under 24 hour surveillance...its no different than running. I dont want to be away from you either oikawa”

How did you always clear his head? It was like your words just made everything make sense

He made his way onto your bed and started to kiss you, soft yet hungry for more

He could never get enough of you

You made his heart full

And you became his strength

You made him strong and he could never forget this debt

taglist:  @the-ironic-me @multisun @my-mass-hysteria @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​​ @exponentially-tired​​ @soy1melk​

[marziblogsworld]

THIS SHOW WAS A MESS AND IT MADE ME A MESS. WELCOME TO THE REVIEW OF THE SERIES FINALE OF 13 REASON WHY.

Ok first thing first. I want to get something off my chest and that is, why I mean why is this school, this liberty high is still running, why this school not blacklisted or had a shortage of students after what everything happened from S1-S4. Like there was no series of people going to depression or 'high school shit' there were legit deaths. Death happened when students literally going around murdering other students. I mean this school went from trials to a murder investigation like i dont know but in my country thia school would have been closed by now or students would have withdraw from this harrowing place

SERIOUSLY METAL DEDECTORS, CAMERAS AND THESE TRAUMATISING DRILLS AND EXERCISES, and taking to apar where there is no fine line of morality or consicous. Putting these things doesn't show that you are helping them PRINCIPAL BOLAN it makes them think that they being watched. That these kids aren't to be trusted. I mean come on these are just kids. Sure messed up, but still kids. AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS MISS SHING!!!!!!. WHERE IS THE SCHOOL CONSOUSLLER IN ALL OF THIS SHIT!!!!,and dont you dare fucking tell me that she agreed to all of this bull shit.

*phew* i am like literally mad and angry over the whole school shit..... ANYWAYS! Talking about the whole story line of this series i feel like yeah it was good. I liked how they showed the aftermath of everything that happened in S3. Like i dont know about you people but for me the end of S3 was hard to digest and its good that they showed that even our characters are not A-Okay with all that they did.

I had high hopes for Winston Williams in this last season. I thought he will come with a full reckoning and tear down those ugly walls build around this squad and literally scare them i was let down. In the Start he was but then he was like kinda vanished in between and the JOCKS! took over,which brings me to my another rant.

Making shows like these,tackling things that are based on reality have responsibility to even show a number of possibilities of 'HOPE'. We watch shows like these because we resembles to what our characters going through or we had or have someone who was going through this and these shows should show a message that change is there and they should not think that this world is doom.13RW did some changes with girl power, standing up for what is right, raising a hand or a voice when something doesn't fit or is wrong so why couldn't they handle this jock culture. Why i always see jocks dunder and hot heads following like a flock of sheeps behind there captian and not have a voice. A change should be shown in them too that they are not heartless bitches. Liberty high put cameras to show that they protect there students but at the same time allowing those stupid Jocks to wear jackets that honour a fucking rapist infront of his victim which is totally triggering and unhealthy. He didnt fucking died or went to jail for BRYCE DEATH. HE WENT BECAUSE HE WAS A CONVICTED RAPIST and you are fucking HONOURING HIM!!!!!. I hate you Diego.There should be like a huge change in them since BRYCE was a jock and he was rapists. Monty was in the team too and he was convicted of sexual assult, there names, this team is like totally tainted and not raising a voice to clear there names and instead honouring them shows who you truely are.

I SAID ZALEX AND THEY HEARD ME!!. I got ZALEX and i dont care like in what way. I got it and it was AMAZING solid Friendship.

Recently watching Teen Wolf,loving 3B and then watching 13 Reasons Why and looking at Clay's condition all i have to say. NOGITSUNE! Is that you. Honey are you sure, you didnt travel into the wrong universe.

Okay now lets talk about the main part, that wraps this show under a neat little bow or in this case wrapping it carelessly and putting stapplers and glue and making it all yucky instead of a bow.

I mean like WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT. The ending was bullshit and literally unnecessary. What was going on for the past 8 episode was amazing why did they have to put this. I mean why the Fuck would you want to put that shit there,only for shock value!!!!!!. I wanna know your reaction people. I wanna know what you guys feel,cuz i was angry and sad and upset and SHIT WE DONT WANT THAT. We fucking escape into our fiction world from our real one not to see that there is no hope especially when the world is falling apart when a ounce of love and hope is what we are finding right now, when everything is all bloody and messy and then you shove this shit infront of us. WAS IT JUSTIFIABLE?, WAS IT NECESSARY?. I think not. Moreover what kind of a message you shared that people like justin doesnt have a chance to do better, they will never survive or a person like Clay should not believe in love or mere the idea of it!! Because whenever CLAY JENSEN LOVE SOMEONE they leave him in one way or another and LIKE BULLSHIT WITH THE MESSAGE 'YOU SURVIVE'. So does that means that Clay jensen should just 'survive' and not 'live'. TELL ME PEOPLE I WANNA HEAR, IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU PEOPLE FELT IT TOO. COMMENT BELOW.

Anyways. This show had many aspects and scenes that was triggering for alot of people out there, and if you feel like you wanna talk or rant even at my review i give you a full free chance to SPEAK UP! to say your heart out because i am hear to listen. BECAUSE WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU FELT, WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE. I AM WITH YOU because.....I LOVE YOU AND I HEAR YOU!!

#justindeservesbetter

#clayjensendeservesbetter

PS. sorry if it was too spoilery but i couldn't handle it.

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[ruffiorocks]

LONG post in regards to whats being said about Lena.

Man, every time the CW post something about Supergirl on Instagram or Twitter people really lose their s**t for literally no reason.  

People saying that Lena is awful, they wouldn't watch a show with Lena in it, someone went as far to say they would rather die that watch a show with Lena in it??? OK.... Dramatic much? Yet here you are following the Supergirl page and knowing exactly what has been going on in the show because you use it for your arguments. Seriously sort your s**t out!

Also, I may get hate for this and I DO NOT CARE but im totally fine with Lena punching Kara in the face. Personally i think she’s asked for it. You can argue until the end of time that she doesn't deserve the punch for keeping her identity a secret, debatable BUT she absolutely deserves a punch in the face for being an arsehole to Lena and calling her a Luthor and then going to her best friends boyfriend and talking him into betraying her trust! Oh and then letting Lena vent to her about how this meant she would never trust Supergirl again, that was disturbing behavior, played off as an ‘oopsie’ moment. Personally Kara’s Jeckell and Hyde act with Lena has always been a bit disturbing to me, its not always funny. Just like in season 2 when she landed at L Corp with Superman and basically looked her nose down at Lena (re watch it). But a punch in the face is warranted. Punching someone in the face isnt akin to becoming evil!

Also why are people saying ‘I knew she would turn Evil!’ ‘Look what Lena is doing!’ erm... Lena hasnt actually done anything yet. A punch doesn't mean full on evil. Lena said she wants to inflict the same pain on Supergirl that she has caused her, now that’s interesting to me, because Kara hasn't actually inflicted any ‘physical’ pain on Lena and Lena even said she doesn't want to kill Supergirl. Now save for a much deserved punch in the face which looks like it takes place in a virtual world anyway, perhaps Lena is going to go down another route and inflict emotional pain on Kara just like Kara has inflicted it on her. Maybe this is why we saw BTS of Alex and Kara fighting, maybe this world is set up so Kara can experience everyone she loves betraying her in some way? The same way Lena feels she’s been betrayed? Im not saying that’s a healthy way to deal with things but the show would be boring if Lena was like ‘nah its cool’.Plus this is how Lena will see it, something she wouldn't be thinking if Kara had taken the time to explain things to her from the off set. to late now. 

Now i know what people will say ‘Kara has suffered so much and doesn't deserve more pain’ yeah... well Kara should have thought about that before inflicting pain on Lena who has also suffered enough pain in her life to. Kara having suffered doesn't mean she has a free pass to treat others poorly, who haven't actually done anything to hurt her or intended to hurt her at all. If Lena had been a nob and out to get her from day one then fair enough, but Lena has saved Kara’s ass/life many times and has never intended to hurt her, but s3 kara (who i wish i could forget) decided being an ass to Lena was OK. Yes Kara thought she was protecting Lena, but that excuse became null and void the moment she started revealing her identity to every Tom, Dick and Nia that she met! Kara is NOT a space puppy! Sure she has her cute adorkable moments but dont mix fan fic with reality. Kara is actually a very serious person who doesnt have all the answers, and doesn't always have a clear view of things. Remember it was Kara who basically told Jonn that there was no more alien hate anymore because SHE didnt receive it, the blonde haired, blue eyed hero of the city who looks human didnt receive hate so therefore it no longer existed. Now this isnt having a go at Kara, its to show that Kara isnt always right and doesn't always have a clear view of things.

Now, people are saying that Kara’s other friends didnt have a bad reaction to Kara admitting she was Supergirl so how dare Lena? OK, you guys are reaching pretty far now and you’re conveniently forgetting what has happened on the show because you’re too busy hating on Lena, so:

1. Winn didnt hate Kara the moment he learned she was Supergirl. OK, well first off, she wasnt really Supergirl yet, just an alien. Winn thought it was cool and wasnt upset she had lied to him? Well Kara keeping her identity from Winn didnt effect Winn in any way at all. There was no Luthor/Super history involved in Winn and Kara’s friendship.

2. James already knew, Clark took that decision away from Kara because he felt she needed a man to keep an eye on her. But this aside, James already knew Superman and was his best friend, he didnt ‘already’ know Kara. He knew who she was before she knew who he was! Again, him knowing her secret had no Luthor/Super implications.

3. Alex already knew and grew up with her. There was no ‘secret’ identity, she came to the Danvers as an alien and anyway Alex was NOT cool with her to begin with.

4. Mon El was also an alien, he wasnt a massive fan of Kara anymore than she was a fan of him. In fact Kara was the ass to Mon El rather than the other way around. It was Kara who referred to him as a ‘Daxamite’ more than once. Now, you could say they did have a history like the Luthor/Super one. Only it was Kryptonian/Daxamite, but the difference is Kara immediately told Mon El who she was, there was no pretending to be an alien from somewhere else or someone entirely different like she did with Lena. Kara knew Mon El was a Daxamite because of the beacon he sent, he didnt deny being one either. No his lie was being the Prince because he knew Kara would NOT have been OK with that. So he got involved with Kara whilst pretending to be something he wasn't. I seem to remember Kara being pretty miffed when she found out he was actually the Prince, only the end of the world was happening and she didnt really get a chance to deal with those feelings because she had to send him away. But later when he came back Kara had had time to process her thoughts on him, but she still told him EXACTLY what she thought of him. Mon El deceived Kara so he could pursue a relationship with her, Kara deceived Lena so she could pursue a friendship with her. Kara and Lena should have a choice in these scenarios because the respective ‘secret identities’ would have made them take pause. 

5. Jonn. already knew, nothing to argue here. 

6. Nia, Kara told Nia in a moment of solidarity because she to had ‘lost’ her sister, and apparently this was an OK reason to tell the girl you knew for 5 minutes who you are. Do you know who else had ‘lost’ a sibling and Kara has had many a solidarity moment with and who has saved her ass more than once and who she has known for longer than five minutes??? oh yeah LENA!! Anyway.... again, Nia had no reason to be miffed at Kara, she hasnt spent 3 years lying to her or pretending to be someone she wasnt and not fully trusting her. No Luthor/Super family drama or anything. 

7. The Legion already knew

8. Cat, Cat was Kara’s mentor and although Kara absolutely lied and deceived Cat, she NEVER treated her crap (save for the red K thing) like Kara did to Lena. Plus once again no Luthor/Super drama. Plus she wasnt Kara's best friend. 

Lena is completely different, have a think about what would be going through Lena’s head. ‘Supergirl’ suddenly turns up at her office the moment she arrives in National City in disguise? Supergirl using this secret identity keeps coming back to Lena, using Lena to track down Roulette, to try and get info from her about her mother. Lena mean while keeps saving the lives of the aliens of National City (including Supergirl). Mon El leaves and Kara suddenly cuts Lena from her life until she once again needs her for something? Come season 3 and ‘Supergirl’ suddenly turns on her? All for having a substance she wasn't using to hurt her but to protect her friend Sam? Supergirl calls her a ‘Luthor’ and gets pissed at her for GIVING her the Kryptonite? Supergirl starts telling Lena what to do as though she can? Supergirl then uses Lena’s boyfriend to spy on her? Then suddenly  Kara is back and being her best friend again listening to all her vent about Supergirl? Lena goes out of her way to make sure Argo City survives and Supergirl is still later an ass to her because she decided to work with the substance SHE created because Supergirl doesn't approve? Supergirl is an ass to her when they are with Alex and its Alex who puts her in place, but Kara is still coming back to her as her bestie? Kara Joins her in trying to track down Lex and even lets Lena think that she’s been blown up? Lena then has the pleasure of being told by Lex of all people that Kara has been lying since day one and he even has footage?? Lena’s new ‘family’ all knew except for her, doesn't say much for Kara’s trust in Lena. If she hadnt already dumped James’ ass i hope she would now! She would probably be thinking ‘why did James pursue me? Was he sent told to keep an eye on me? Was Kara just sent by Superman to watch me? Did the gang befriend me for the same reason? Keep the Luthor close? This woman has been betrayed and deceived her whole life, not second guessing any of this would be the bizarre thing. 

But anyway, i agree that both Kara and Lena are right to feel the way they do. But i am more on Lena’s side. I get Kara’s reasoning up to a point, to begin with she wanted to protect Lena., but then she should never have become so involved with her if she truly wanted to keep her safe. Her reasons become null and void when she tells people she’s known for 5 minutes who she is without thought to their safety (Nia). She made the decision to be an arsehole to Lena and then use Lena’s relationships against her and called her the only thing she knew would hurt Lena the most. She then kept saying she wanted to tell Lena but allowed others (Mon El, Alex) to keep her from doing so to the point where it was to late. Kara’s reasons started out noble, but they went beyond to far. Especially since Lex and Lillian knew and Kara STILL didnt see a point in telling Lena, Lex got the opportunity to tell Lena because Kara couldn't step up. The moment she knew Lillian knew she should have had Jonn erase her mind or tell Lena herself. Kara doesnt ‘owe’ her identity to anyone, but she should think twice about how much she gets involved with or treats the people close to her that dont know. 

Also, it is a betrayal, the writers have said so and even Melissa has agreed she totally understands it. Not telling Lena her secret isnt the betrayal, its everything that came along with it, everything Kara did along the way. (though she could be talking to Eve)

They say the season is a ‘fight for Lena’s soul’ , personally i think being betrayed by Kara is a poor reason for Lena’s soul to be in danger, it doesn't say much for her. But that very statement implies that Lena hasnt gone full Luthor, Otherwise it would be ‘Lena’s soul is lost’. 

It will be interesting to see how Lena reacts to the rest of the super friends since back in season 3 she understood secrets that weren't hers to tell and to keep people safe. She knew Alex was DEO but kept it to herself and wasnt arsed abut it and she didnt on Sam to keep her safe. But knowing the writers they’ll forget this part of Lena’s personality and make her miffed at everyone. 

Lastly Kara may be the main character but that doesnt mean everything she does is right and she DOESNT have to be your favorite character. 

Anyway thats enough. Dont send hate as always will go unanswered and deleted. 

[palukoo]

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain... 

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style 

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD 

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace 

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

[low-budget-korra]

The legend Of Korra : Book 02-Philosophy Everywhere

I'm going to divide this one into two parts, talking about the episodes before the episodes 07 and 08 and after them. Due to this first half, I consider the 02 book the weakest of all and here are some of the why.

Beginning 6 months after the events of Book 01, after all that dark shit that happened, everything is great. Right away we had a significant change that was the change with respect to animation, previously made by Studio Mir and that in book 2 began to be made by the studios Pierrot. Nothing against the work of the studios Pierrot , after I started studying digital art I saw that it is something way more laborious than I already thought it would be, but Studio Mir's work was so good in Book 1 that this change is a "down" for the season.

We are presented with the danger of this season, evil spirits and the reality of our dear Fire Ferrets. Bolin is the only one who continues in Pro's Bending while Mako became a cop and Korra is just being the Avatar, and Asami is trying to deal with the CEO’s stuff of the Future Industries.

Now something that bothered me a lot in the first half of season. I felt that everything that Korra went through in Book 01 was for nothing, as there is no development in the character. She remains the same spoiled, arrogant from Book 1

The relationship between Mako and Korra is appalling, especially because of Korra's unbearable and inexplicable behavior earlier this season.

We are also introduced to Unalaq, uncle of Korra and soon we see that his relation with Tonraq is, at least ,troubled. Also we met Tony Stark .... cof sorry, Varrick and what a good surprise this character was.

Returning to Korra, this second season she is even more childish than the first. It's inexplicable, I dont know what happened. Like, I can understand her sense of frustration of still being treated as someone who is incapable of making choices, but what does she do? She goes there and shows that she is incapable of making choices.

Like all the building of partnership and trust that was made in book 01 between Tenzin and Korra, something that I unfortunately forgot to mention in my review of book 01, was thrown in the trash because in the first "fight" she exchanged the Tenzin that literally hugged her in the worst moments of her life until then, by an uncle she barely know

I think that when, soon in the first episode Korra dispenses the Tenzin, Unalaq must have thought : "Man, that was easy"

Then we have Korra with unnecessary anger for her father for him not  told he was banished from the Northern WaterTribe and why. Like, girl, this is certainly something your father is not proud of, maybe even blaming himself for the inexperience and arrogance in which he acted when, after chasing the barbarians who attack the city ,  ended up destroying a sacred place. I'm sure you did not tell him about how "cool" the first conversation you had with Amon was.

Okay, I'll take it easy with Korra, maybe this "Stop Protecting Me"  it is her trying to reaffirm herself as Avatar after all she suffered in Book 01. Then this almost desperation for not wanting to be seen as a child and wanting to be considered a capable person, made her, ironically, act like a child and show herself unable , after make some wrong choices.

You guys remember that when the NorthTribe invaded the SouthTribe, she chose to stay with her uncle and not her father. Even Tonraq being an incredible father.

 (Look at this? This  person is trustworthy right. The guy is sitting in a dark room, alone doing a bunch of nothing. IN THE DARK!)

Unalaq was another one that I did not like since the moment I saw it. He is by far the worst villain even more that Ozai's greatest megalomaniac style, worse yet, Ozai wanted his Nation to rule the world while Unalaq wants evil to dominate simply because he wants to. But I give him something, he was good to see that moment of “wanting approval” that Korra and exploits it in his favor.

**

When Korra discovers that his uncle was responsible for the unjust sentence of his father when Unalaq underwent an attempt of kidnapping and that he also was responsible for the banishment his father years ago. First of all I can not blame her for the violent way she approached the judge for the conversation because I think it would do the same. (Dont mess with the people i love)

**

Something very interesting to note was that this season was where everyone was further away from each other. And the frozen scenery of the northern watertribe helped amplify this feeling. The soundtrack of this season is also incredible,  all of the seasons are actually.

**

Another thing I liked was the interaction between the sons of Aang. It was a bit sad to know that despite being a great Avatar, Aang was a bit flawed as a parent. Paying more attention to his duty to the world than with his family. And clearly having a favorite son, Tenzin. I can understand why, but is sucks anyway

But I also think the character who was best explored this season was Tenzin. We can connect with his concerns. The burden of being responsible for the survival of the airbender culture, the fear of failure, and the quest to be a reflection of his father.

We know more about Bumi, and dude, the scene in ep.04 where he talks to his father's statue, apologizing for not being an airbender, and besides that , he did what he can to keep the world . And Kya is kind of a more lesbian cooler version of Katara in terms of personality.

**

One more “down” to this Book in the beginning was to make fun with the Bolin being clearly in an abusive relationship with Eska. This is not fun people, people die because of it.

Poor Mako in the first half,  his only getting slapped by Korra . Later on  I understand, but I dont agree with his position of delivering Korra's plans to get help for the southern tribe to Raiko. Episode 06 was focused on Mako, Bolin and Asami. We can see Asami, in a moment of weakness that I dont understand until today, kissing Mako. Bolin pursuing film career and Mako showing a certain ability as a detective. This I found cool because it gains another layer to the character , it is no longer just the romantic interest of Korra. It also had virtually the revelation of Varrick as a secondary villain for this arc of them

Bolin also has something nice, If in the first episode, he was shown was someone who only can fight with The Krew, later in book 2 he and we see that he is capable to fight alone for himself.

And Asami, this babe was her own “up and fall and up again” arc as CEO of her dad company. And she shows that she has what its need to take control of the business.

**

I really dont know what happened to the writers in this first half of book 02, way below the expected But Raava inspired them to make the wonder that is the second half of the season. And so I finish my analysis of the first half of book 02

**

Beginnings part 1 and 2 are my favorite episodes of the entire AVATAR series. Seriously, everything in these episodes is incredible, from the differentiated animation (Studio Mir is back baby!!!)to the soundtrack, and of course, the script.

In Beginnings we are introduced to the first avatar, Avatar Wan. And so, we are presented as the cycle began. From real, every time I see these two episodes I cry like a baby.

"Return to the beginning. Find Raava "

Lets talk about  Wan, he was a young thief trying to survive, in a  dangerous and authoritarian era of what might be considered the beginnings of the Fire Nation, a city that lay on the back of a Giant Turtle, protected them from the spirits -dominated forests.

I will not say much about these two episodes because even if you dont remember , go watch, seriously, it's incredible. And because if I start talking about them I will not finish.

In short. Wan receives the power of fire from the Giant Lion Turtle and  go into the forest. Then he  return home before entering the forest, and thus steals the fire power ,which was forbidden to use in the city.What is worth mentioning is that the bendinds there were not developed , dont expect  martial arts movements. 

 Here ,even with power, Wan is merciful and selfless. He did not think only of himself, he did not exposed who participated in the rebellion with him and still spared the life of a guard. He is then banished to the forest and .... aaa did not say, I cant not speak of these episodes man

Anyway, after going through "trouble" on his first night out in the woods. He seeks the help of a spirit who simply says "it's not my problem", so Wan tries to fantasize as spirit to be able to enter the oasis of the same spirit that denied him help. Then he discovers that there are other LionTurtles, and consequently, other cities.

And in his journey, even with hunger he decides to release an animal, which turns his animal partner. And so, seeing the altruistic action of Wan, the same spirit that denied him help, helps him to escape the hunters. And so he decides to stay and learn from the spirits.

And so, Wan learns the dragon dance, protecting the oasis and his friends spirits. My baby Wan <3

Back in town, Wan's old friend decides to lead a group of people who believe that only with the power of fire, it is possible to live in the forests. Needless to say that shit happens right ?!

Then Wan decides to travel the world with his pet, Mula. The music in these parts is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, really.

Then Wan discovers Raava and Vaatu fighting and, unknowingly, helps Vaatu to escape. With the help of Raava ,who at first dont like the ideat of joining with Wan to fight Vaatu), Wan finds the other lions turtles and is given the other bendings.

Raava is light and peace. Literally, the good. Vaatu is evil.

However, Wan can only change elements, when the spirit of Raava passes through his body. Wan is an example of a good person, he literally made the biggest shit in the world but instead of running away, as many would do, he took responsibility and face it.

And it is on this journey that he begins to train heavy, the elements, and learn about the balance of the world.

"He can not destroy light any more than i cant destroy darkess. One can not exist without the other "_Raava

"Most humans think only about themselves" _Raava

Man, this is so true, worse, it's a direct truth. There is no metaphor here.

There we see humans using the power of fire to clear the forest, nothing new  really. The same group as that friend of Wan. And so, these people attack anything (spirits) they see, not knowing whether it is good or bad, just by their own ignorance. What unfortunately happens in various parts of the world with minority groups that are attacked only by the ignorance of the aggressors.

In this 5-minute scene, we see all the power of ignorance and violence. Humans have invaded and destroyed the forest, and still set fire to any spirit that appears. In Brazil we have farmers doing exactly the same thing with the natives, with the moral help of the president. But we are not here to talk about the shit hole that is Brazil right now....

The stronger Vaatu gets, the smaller and weaker Raava gets.

(I'm almost crying because I'm writing while I'm watching this wonderful episode.)

It is then that Wan touch’s on the energy that comes out of one of the portals and this scene happens

(This scene gives me so many chills. Its simple epic)

Now officially as Avatar, Wan and Raava succeed together defeating Vaatu, imprisoning for the next 10 thousand years. It is also Wan who makes the decision to close the portal, separating spirits and humans.

We then see the Lion Turtles talking that a new era has begun, and we will no longer be given the power of the elements to the people. Then shows Wan's narration as he separates two armies, because it seems that war is what a human being does best.

Then we think the episode ends there. With the message of the duty of the avatar and all but ...oh boy we are wrong . We see a much older Wan, mortally wounded in battle. Regretting that he had not fulfilled his duty to bring peace, that darkness still surrounds humanity, he did not have enough time.

"Do not worry, we will be together for all your lifetimes and we will never give up" _Raava

Soon after this talk of Raava, Wan dies and the cycle of avatars begins.

(im not crying... you are)

Something I think is very important to mention is that these two episodes, as well as this season of The Legend Of Korra, use something that I hate, that is the megalomaniac villain and the megalomaniac consequences. Only, especially in these two episodes of the Wan, we are not focused on this  but on the learning of the character and all the wisdom of Raava(the hero).

Vaatu can be evil, he has to be evil because he is evil. Now, Unalaq? "Urrr I will release the spirit of darkness to become an evil avatar because I want, even if it destroys the world."

If Vaatu was the villain alone, trying to lead Korra to the dark side, I think it would have been better, or if Unalaq had been better worked for us to believe in his ambitions ... All the Korra villains have a very cool ideology be it equality, freedom or prosperity. Unalaq is only a classic religious fanatic, and a forgettable villain.

**

Moreover, the rest is just Korra and his friends preparing for Harmonic Convergence to beat Vaatu. And the end of the arc’s of Asami, Bolin and Mako.

Now, on this journey of Korra in the spirit world, when she misses Jinora and meets Iroh. Their interaction is wonderful.

I'll separate some quotes from Iroh to Korra, who at the moment is in the shape of a child.

Iroh says: "Even in material world you will find it, if you look for the light you can often find it. But if you look at the dark, heres what you will see "

Several things can be compared to this speech, but the first thing that came to mind was depression and its power to catastrophize everything. As depressive girl, I think I have the property to speak at least of my experience with it.

As depressive, I often see things on the more negative side and thus, "I search for darkness" and so, it is only her that I see. And as much as the search for light is arduous and tiresome, it compensates. It's a daily struggle. Even in the worst of times, look for the light in the dark and you'll be fine. Even if the path is dark and scary, we all have light and we can all walk that path, whether alone or with help.

And Iroh was also right in another speech, helping others is one of the best things you can do. I can not describe the good feeling that takes care of you when you help someone. I think if we all did that, the world would not be in such a mess.

**

Now let's talk about the shocking and sad scene of the loss of connections. 

Honestly I think it's something that can be reversed, and if I did it in a fanfic the creators can do in HQ u.u

About the fanfic, ~propaganda moment here~, I swear that I will continue translate it a and post at least once a month on Wattpad with the link here on Tumblr.Who was interested, here is the link of the chapters already translated. I still do not consider myself fluent in English, so I accept any corrections.

Link for the chapters in English: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/117030440-the-legend-of-korra-book-5-legacy

(This is just to say how much i love Korra with loose and messy hair, my god how I find it sexy. And for you guys to see this gorgeus image and forgive me for the “propaganda time”)

Returning...

Anyway, at first, I found it very heavy and unnecessary but after analyzing the series as a whole and not just Book 2, I think I understood.

Korra is the avatar in a world practically totally different from the world of Aang and the previous avatars. A world where technology grows every day, a world each more similar to ours. That is, a new era. And this new age, perhaps it did not need other avatars. 

Dont slap me please. But like, for example, what am I going to ask a 19th-century person how she communicated, if we have the cell phone today? Things have changed, the experiences and how to deal with the things too. Perhaps Avatar Kyoshi does not have adequate advice for the Avatar in an increasingly political and complicated world.

The breaking of the cycle was literally the end of an era of Avatars, the avatars that will come after  Korra, in theory, will be more apt to deal with these problems so similar to what we experience.

But yes, I wanted her to somehow reconnect.

As you can see, although I love reading philosophical, political, social, historical, and psychological things, I do not quote any specific author in my interpretations, but I certainly use the knowledge I learned in what I write. "Lara, why dont you quote this guys here?" Cause my memory is terrible in memorising words, which means that I would have to reread, to know who exactly said what, and my college dont let me have this much time

Another thing I forgot to mention, the Gifs are not mine, more talented people than I've done them, and I just picked it up from the internet. Ican tag you in the comments if you are the author of those

Although it is not the book that most focuses on psychological issues, it does so through philosophical questions of "Who I am" and "What is my duty in the world"

Overall, book 2 of The Legend Of Korra is the most nostalgic of all, in my opinion. And in my view, the theme that stands out is that of "Search for own identity". 

We see this in Wan,Bolin, Korra, Tenzin, and Jinora in  a more prominent way.

Wan on his quest for Avatar's identity, even if it is unconscious. Korra for the exact opposite, her quest is for herself. Who is Korra? And would Korra be limited to just been The Avatar?

Who is Tenzin? He finally detaches himself from his father's image. As he says in the fog of the lost souls: "Im not a refletion of my father. Im Tenzin " Bolin who discovers his is not just a sidekick to his brother, he is more than that

And Jinora discovering and embracing without question her full potential with the spiritual side.

And besides, i hate it the all giant final fight. I simple dont like it. 

[karaslluthor]

supercorp fanfic masterpost

due to the shitfest that was comic con (except u katie mcgraff, u my main hoe) I've decided to post all my fav fics to boost the morale in this fandom bc even tho melhoohaa hurt my feelings i would die for supercorp also, im VERY sorry to the people who keep asking for me to post this and its taken about 7 years, I'm just a busy lady ok p.s. im a smut whore so ur welcome for a section dedicated for pure sin at the end

MULTI FICS Giant by @coeurdastronaute​ 90k+, ongoing, this is my fucking FAV, lena and kara meet in high school but not a high school AU, and its super angsty and L O V E honestly. 

my youth is yours by @lynnearlington 182k+, ongoing, my other fucking favvvvv! literally marked my soul and id read this everyday if i could bc never in my life have i read a fic that made my heart hurt this much ily writer

you are the fire (and i'm gasoline) by @lenacorporations 80k+, completed, literally read this is a day and holy fuck THE BEST! pls go and read this if you haven't. childhood au its so damn cute

It's in the Stars (It's been Written in the Scars/On our Hearts) by @homodramatica​ 201k+, ongoing, another fav!!!! seriously fucking read this now. its like angst and fluff and smut all wrapped up in a supercorp love fest and i fucking ride hard for this fic Learning Control by FrostedLimits 24k+, completed, kara can't control her powers in the bedroom and lena is more than happy to help, also periwinkle kryptonite is cool Mercy by Rykeral 329k+, ongoing, literally the longest and also the SLOWEST burn of all time, like I'm talking slow but its got everything like angst, fluff, action and lenas just a fucking badass.

Paranoia Incarnated by @justmickeyfornow​​ 86k+, ongoing, kara gets infected by this stuff and gets uber paranoid and needs to hear lenas heartbeat to calm down and lena doesn't know karas supergirl and its super cute and angsty FUCKING READ THIS NOW EVERYONE I'm telling ya

Jealous of the way (you're happy without me) by @blood-inthefields​ 17k+, ongoing, karas a jealous hoe but its super sad tbh

Supergirl In Training by @wtfoctagon​ 70k+, completed, if u haven't read this are u even a supercorp fan?

the heiress, the girl of steel, and the man who fell to earth by @littlekbrother​ 66k+, completed, LISTEN HERE this is one of my favs and mon-el is actually a good character basically everything supergirl should actually be and you need to fucking read this.

They only lack the light to show the way by @jennysparksandtheauthority​ 45k+, ongoing, SUPER BABIES

Lipstick On Your Collar by Remyroo17 52k+, completed, lena and kara have a baby together and ITS SO GOOD

The Day Lena's Earth Stood Still by SuperTweety 60k+, ongoing, kara is lenas assistant, she's weirded out about aliens but then they make sweet love and its gAY

You're Never Alone, Lena by HEDA_OWNS_MY_SOUL 79k+, ongoing, lenas a fucking badass and kara and lena love each other

You Wanna Be Friends Forever? I Can Think of Something Better by @myheartisbro-ken​ 93k+, ongoing, kara and lena just support each other so much i fucking love this fic

Breathe by @silent-rain91​ 114k+, completed, kara and lena broke up 6 yrs ago and kara finds out they have twins, kara also has a penis but its cool don't worry guys, one big happy family and oh so much angst

Worlds Between Us by @lycanhood​ 38k+, completed, lena and supergirl are friends with benefits and angst ensues, also red k kara hello

At Least I Got You in My Head by @queenghostling​ 25k+, ongoing, this is the saddest thing ever tbh, lena self harms and lillian's a fuckhead. lena and lucy for a little bit supercorp endgame apparently. TW for self harm and sexual abuse.

i'll love you till my breathing stops by @poiperoi​ 41k+, ongoing, boarding school au, and karas just a big fat alien and its so cute.

Impeccable timing by @thatsgaydanvers​ 22k+, ongoing, lena gets preggers before meeting kara and kara is overprotective and cute af The Liar Game by @ladyptarmigan 75k+, ongoing, slow burn uphill battle supercorp, still haven't finished but I'm already hooked!!!! 

Invictus by @annien​ 43k+, ongoing, lena takes kara to an arcade and kara stripteases for lena and its cute ok

it's easy (when i'm with you) by @falsealarm​ 17k+, ongoing, kara accidentally kisses lena and then they are horny little teenagers but also super fluffy idk its a good mixture ok

Protective Custody by @thatsalotofboobs​ 23k+, completed, lenas in protective custody with kara and its just a big gay sleepover and then they bang. Not Afraid to Fall by @prettyaveragewhiteshark​ 38k+, completed, lena and supergirl are sex buddies and angst ensues bc kara and lena love each other also sky sex??? You Wanna Be Friends Forever? I Can Think of Something Better by @myheartisbro-ken​ 93k, ongoing, this is just a big gay slow burn and lenas just in love with kara and they are cute okay read it

In Rao's Light by @letswreakhavoc​ 41k+, ongoing, lena makes a sex room and its just pure sin ur welcome Red Earth & Pouring Rain by @automaticheartache​​ 10k+, ongoing, karas on red k to admit her feelings for lena and its a mess but its a good mess Super Crush by @dophroll 44k+, ongoing, young pure love help this is cute af, time skips and sin Bite me... by @kassebaum 13k+, completed, kara makes kryptonite bracelets so she can bang lena If you don't love me, pretend (just for a few more hours)... by Khrat9 24k+, completed, kara and lena bang all the time and realise they love each other bc obviously Restraint by DaniJayNel 17k+, completed, lena basically becomes a kryptonian and gets to finally bang kara at the DEO Firsts by writerstealth 17k+, completed, supercorp love story told in a series of firsts!!!!! Duality by @mssirey​ 36k+, completed, start is pure sin but gets fluffy, supergirl and lena have LOTS of sex and kara and lena love each other idk man its good

Three Days by Silent_Specter 42k+, completed, ANGST AND ACTION AND LOVE ONE SHOTS we are what we pretend to be by C_AND_B kara and lena fake date but like who are they kidding i've just seen a face (i can't forget the time or place where we just met) by karalovesallthegirls kara gets drunk and licks lenas neck a lot In This World, And The Next by @stennnn06​ KATIE MCGRATH READ THIS ALOUD AT COMIC CON GUYS, marriage proposal cute af If the Suit Fits by @littlekbrother​ lena knows about kara before she comes out as supergirl and designs her suit!! I've Been Outed by SwanQueen4tw karas outed as supergirl bc of a puppy The more you know by @spaceman-earthgirl​ lena accidentally tells alex she had sex with kara It was her all along by @spaceman-earthgirl​ alex sees texts on karas phone and tries to find out who it is There for all to see by @spaceman-earthgirl​ just realised how many fav one shots i have from this author so just go read everything she has really lol I'm not kidding you won't be disappointed Jealous by 8ounce lenas jealous of mon-el and tries to make kara jealous with supergirl Oopsie! by Emiko_Scarlet lenas pregnant and get hurts and karas dramatic obvs wonderful electric (cover me in you) by @falsealarm fluff and smut, just read it its cute 

SIN SIN SIN here we are, two helping hands by @falsealarm​​ I Can See You In The Dark by GreyPallet & Sperryjayne you are everything (please touch me) by PerkyMetalhead A Dream Reality by ManyaZorEL Heatwave by yesverygoodallright Unraveling by gentlesin Not a Fantasy by wallofcrazy hands-on approach by exprsslyfrbidden not quite a damsel by blatant_sock_account Thunderbolt by chooseredemption Unavoidable Dreams by C_AND_B 40,000 feet by @kassebaum​ All I Want by breakerone Welcome home by Callmesnowy68 Snapping by freedombeats89 Not so secret by freedombeats89 need you by @icaruslena​ That's how you say thank you by @silent-rain91​ Kara Danver's Most Successful Press Conference by @pendragn​ the one where they're only friends by blatant_sock_account The Unsuccessful Capture of a Luthor by @nevertobeships​ Love & Nudes by loopt This Place is a Shelter by @trashbb Yellow and Green by yesverygoodallright

YOU ARE WELCOME AND I HAVE NO LIFE SO PLEASE DONT STOP WRITING THESE BC I LITERALLY SURVIVE OFF THESE TYSM <3333

[andromedasummer]

"the met gala isnt the all time show of success and not all the drivers are interested in fashion. f1 is what made lewis famous. it'll survive without him."

yeah of course it will, its f1 its like the most famous motorsport in the world. nothing could kill that fucking beast.

but when you get a man who by all accounts has dominated said high-calibre, intense sport for nearly a decade and then used his money and fame to push for a bettering of conditions for all people coming after him, for more equalization in pay, gender and race equality. for taking a stand on important issues that mean something to him. and the only reaction he gets is commentators looking for the next white man to put in his place and the next mistake to hang him by the toes by so they can return f1 "back to normal" while vapid fans focus on men who, in the words of a dear friend, nearly all look like "that one guy i had a crush on in highschool who pushed me down a staircase when he found out i was gay."

like i will agree the met gala is fucking stupid i didnt know anyone there i thought majority of the outfits sucked and thay """influencers""" should be subject to the french revolution 2. i couldnt and still cant name 5 designers of the top of my head cos that shit doesnt matter its literally just clothes. just fabric.

but its important in the context of lewis, because it reflects how fucking godawful f1 is to him.

it's made me realize without lewis f1 is nothing to me. it hasn't been competitive in over a decade. the other drivers i do enjoy are god damn 70-80 and/or dead. the rivalries have been stale since 2012 (save 2016), the drivers are all completely disconnected from reality or so tapped into internet culture theyre a copy paste of guys who you could easily find at university, most of whom are boring as fuck all. none of them do anything interesting outside of racing and only a handful actually have hobbies or things they do apart from their jobs. they dont do anything substantial (save vettel) to make change, have an influence or do anything than go in a dumb fucking circle. and thats both for outside or inside the sport. and when theyre asked about anything other than the sport ots physically painful to see how much they both dont care or need to care about A N Y current events. it isnt funny anymore its fucking embarrassing. and its even more of a pathetic reflection on the people who look the worst contenders of the mind numbing sameness of them all and go "ah yes, less than mediocre. my 1200s peasant ancestors will be pleased with me."

when you can turn to any other motorsport and find people representative of the actual human population (w series, le mans, NASCAR!! Fucking NASCAR), healthy rivalries without an unsettling underline of racism (formula e, rallycar), effective education for drivers who act offensively (nascar. FUCKING NASCAR?!) and most importantly entertaining racing that occurs between majority of the grid and (formula e, endurance racing, rally, f2/3/4, nascar, nascar trucks etc etc)

so seeing lewis out of that hellish cycle? around people with a backbone who make statements and create change and create art? being around people who have succeeded in all walks of life? who dont dedicate themselves to a single thing in life like a fucking cult hobby? its been refreshing. like everyone is finally seeing what majority of the f1 community cant see.

a talented, sincere individual who is going to create and influence things long after his retirement. who sees past a racetrack and reflects on himself and the world he has been raised in. its so, so refreshing. and i personally cannot wait for lewis to retire. i cant wait for him to exist in a world that sees him as a creative, a creator, someone with dedicated drive. and not an obstacle for a bunch of white 20 year old men with nothing to say and nothing to give but neutrality and comments in poor taste.

i have to say its endlessly hilarious how after all that verbal abuse from max v and the endless social media attacks and booing from max fans and then the whole nearly getting his head crushed under the wheel of a race car that not 48 houre later lewis hamilton is showing up to the met gala socializing with all these actors and musicians and fashion designers and models who are shouting his name name with such volume and glee you can hear it even though they're off screen and getting pulled into off screen hugs.

like even after he retires lewis is going to be relevant. he'll be having fun with his music and going to big events with other famous and successful people in a circle where people arent tearing him down for his every decision and whole person. he'll be surrounded by other astounding people who embody black excellence the same way that he does. and come the championships as they may, none of the current crop of f1 drivers will ever or could ever reach that status. that relevance to the biggest names in music and acting of our time.

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[elvesofnoldor]

ok i came across an actually pretty good post yesterday abt emotional immaturity and manhood in tlj and how portraying grown 30 yr old man as emotional immature is problematic, and i definitely agree to a certain extent, but i couldn’t reblog or like it. First and foremost, the post kinda implies that in order for the bullshit mutiny arc in the 2nd act to resolve rationally and satisfyingly, there should be some true consequences to poe’s actions just because he shouldn’t be treated as a child, ....and it’s like....what consequences? and like, idk, like what, you would rather poe to get put on trial and executed? or has his freedom take away and get imprisoned? (not that its actually possible cause the resistance is down to the last men and it doesnt even have a prison) Is that what you think should happen??? Cause that’d be consequences to mutiny lol. But does poe deserve that? even if you dont think about the fact that he was out of character? or the fact that poe was framed as a an irresponsible and immature child that he is not ? NO bitch!

 Like, i’m the last person who uses “if this woman didn’t do something, this man wouldn’t do this, so really it is this woman’s action that made this man do this not-so-great thing” kind of logic, but this literally happened with poe and holdo lmao. If Holdo had told a high ranking officer--someone who commends humongous respect from her troops, or be transparent about a plan that concerns the lives of every single surviving member of resistance, this whole inner conflict would have been avoided. She assumed a officer she doesn’t even know would oppose to her, assumed that he is dangerous (that was some bullshit foreshadowing to the mutiny but literally none of his previous actions in tfa or in comics/novel show him to be a dangerous person so it makes no sense). For anything, I wonder how Holdo explained to Leia about her lack of transparency that led to a unnecessary mutiny within the resistance! It was literally her fault that this bullshit happened! Also, leia, out of all people, knows and LIKES that poe is someone who would challenge authority if it means to save the lives of his troops and those he swore to protect. Keeping Poe in the dark would result in literally nothing good. Leia was supposed to build him to become the leader he could become, but doing what? making him blindly follow leaders he has no reason to trust in? It’s the main reason why poe is recruited in the first place! Holdo led everybody in the resistance to believe that she is leading them to literal death as she exhausted all the escort ships. Her plan, by the way, was risky anyways, because she relied on delivering the resistance members to safety in unarmored transport ships! After she exhausted all the escort ships that could protect these transport ships! The way she sees the last couple of people on the resistance is disgusting cause she sees them as inconsequential and expandable and probably why she is willing to sacrifice ppl like that, yet shes painted to be the one who cares abt her troops?? lmao (she says something abt rose being a nobody or something like that, which shows what thinks of gross-root resistance fights--not as important as she is, and im sorry but i dont have respect for this kind of bourgeois attitude ) There was no good way to resolve this mutiny conflict because if not for bad writing, it wouldn’t have happened anyways. Leia supposedly taught Poe a lesson--what lesson? It’s not like Poe disagreed with Holdo’s plan and tried to start a mutiny? This conflict resolves in such weird fashion because it is a shitty conflict to start with!

Anyways, I’m on the “poe dameron did nothing wrong” team and you all know that this is the right team to be on, but tlj does frame his actions like he’s a immature child...like he needed to learn lessons that he already know, when in reality he really doesn’t cause he’s not a goddamn teenager/child!!!! Tlj framed his first battle as result of reckless action, but when if you think about the entire battle again, you’d know that he made the right call to take out the gigantic dreadnaught ship that would unquestionably destroy the resistance fleet. After all, Leia didn’t counter Poe’s order, she let him follow through his own plan anyways because she must have see the point in his plan anyways! When the dreadnaught is destroyed, she was visibly glad and only become concerned when she realizes the bomber squadrons are all dead (but its really what, 50? maybe not even then vs thousands upon thousands of imperial officers deaths, this is war! poe did what he could do make sure resistance suffer as minimal casualties while causing the maximum damage to F/O!) Leia has been through a war and she maybe too old to send people to deaths, it’s time for her to pass on the burden of a military leader. But for her to blame and physically punished him (someone who just got torture a couple of days ago) because she could no longer deal with the need to send soldiers to their death? Doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Leia should have done! Not to mention, Poe didn’t really develop as a leader, he was just shown as the competent leader that he always was at the end of the narrative! It’s just previously, he was framed as someone who’s made bad and reckless mistakes by not listening to grown-ups and being inconsiderate of others by publicly displaying anger (SUPER NOT IN CHARACTER BTW). Framing Poe as some sort of reckless child that he probably was when he was 15, instead of the 32 year old seasoned leader he already was is disrespectful to his character! Sure, Poe, along with Finn and Rey give off a particular youthful energy. He was enthusiastic, he was passionated, and despite his age, he did not grow cynical--instead he was hopeful and still wanted to fight for a better future. But that does not mean he was a child! Just because leia would be a mother figure to him, doesnt mean hes gotta be come off as a literal child/teenager. 

On the other hand, this post, also sort of compared poe to kylo? and that? kinda pissed me off too? Because kylo was a relatively weak villain because he was emotionally immature and doesn’t realize it’s a problem. He was a man-child, that’s canon. Poe was not a man-child, that was not canon. Kylo is actually pretty in character here. He was someone who decided to ruin his parents’ legacy simply because they didn’t pay as much attention as he thought he should get. Yet despite being such man-child, who’s also emotionally manipulative and abusive on top of that, and just plain emotionally detached from people that he was willing to inflict immense harm to anybody who got in his way, YET DESPITE ALL THAT, he was not necessarily framed as the bad guy. 

The heart of the problem was not that rian portrayed two grown ass men as two man-childs. The heart of the problem was that one of these two grown ass men (poe, a moc) was canonically not a man-child and was framed as so and vilified for a out-of-character characterization, WHILE the other actual villain is framed as endearing man-child who was Deep and Complex. (I saw some ex-mutual reblogged a post in which OP says that kylo is not abusive cause he was a deep and complex character and the implication that abusive people are not complex is super hilarious to me, you all can bend backward to suck his dick its amazing!) 

[writer-picks-the-music]

Hunger (Part 1)

This fic is for @i-dont-know-how-to-write‘s cutie challenge and I chose The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Specifically when Esmerelda meets Phoebus. [Actual lines from the movie will be bolded. Lines that are sorta from the movie but reworked to fit the scene will be bolded and italicized].

Song Inspiration: “Hunger” by Of Monsters and Men (Mostly within Part 2)

Summary: Dean and Sam are working a case, but someone else might be on the hunt as well.

Word Count: 2600-ish

Warnings: I don’t think there’s anything...

A/N: This will be a two parter.    Let me know what you think!

“And you’re sure that this is the place?”

Sam sighed, tossing the pile of notes he had been looking through onto the dash. He didn’t like this anymore than Dean. Staring into the dark for the past two hours hadn’t been part of the plan, but they had a job to do and if waiting around was what it took to catch this guy they’d just have to suck it up. 

“No. I’m not sure, Dean. But this is the only place in town that fits the bill.” 

“It looks pretty abandoned to me.”

Sam shot a glare Dean’s way, his brother’s lack of patience starting to cause a strain on his own.  “That’s the point.”

Dean simply continued staring out the front window, knowing exactly the type of look he was getting without having to see it. 

“All I’m saying is that the guy should have been here by now. Maybe we picked the wrong spot.”

Sam sat up straighter, pulling a map of the area off the dash and turning to face Dean completely. Fully prepared to defend his choice in location. 

“Where else would he go, Dean. There’s nothing else in town that’s this secluded...” 

“Shhh.”

“... I mean the barn hasn’t even been used in-”

“Stop talking.”

Sam looked up from the map, following his brother’s gaze in time to see a shadow slip through the barn doors and disappear inside. A smug smirk took over his face as he put down the map and went to work loading his gun.

“Still think this is the wrong place?”

Dean rolled his eyes, opening the door. “Shut up.”

Sam was quick to follow him as they got out, quietly shutting the doors behind them and heading towards the barn.

“I’ll go in. Why don’t you do a sweep of the woods and make sure the rest of its pack isn’t lurking around anywhere.”

Sam nodded, branching off and heading towards the tree line as Dean continued on to the entrance.

---Y/N Point of View---

You hid in the shadows, crouching among a few scattered bales of hay off to the side of the doors and watched as the first man entered the barn. He was tall. Fairly well built. Definitely packing heat. 

You could take him.

He made it fully into the room, looking around as he passed you and walked further inside but you stayed put. You hadn’t heard much of their conversation but you were certain you had heard two voices. But when no one else walked in after a few seconds you figured he had gone off to keep watch.

Deeming that the coast was clear you stood up, stepping out of your hiding spot and silently beginning to close the distance between you and the oblivious man in front of you.

In a few short strides you were close enough to reach a hand out and touch him, but to your surprise, as you reached for his shoulder he spun around, gun expertly pointed at your heart. 

Maybe he wasn’t so oblivious after all.

Either way, it didn’t matter. His gun was on you for less than a second before you had him disarmed, placing a sturdy kick to his chest and sending him tumbling into the dirt. The barrel of his gun staring him in the face as he sat up.

As his pissed, yet alarmed green eyes met yours you let out a huff, recognizing him immediately. “You.”

“Easy, easy. I don’t know who you think I am, sweetheart, but it ain’t me.”

“You’re exactly who I think you are, hunter.” You growled, finger flexing on the trigger of his gun as you contemplated whether or not to shoot him after all their kind hand done to yours. But you knew you couldn’t. That would make you no better than them.

“Okay, okay, so maybe you do know me,” he countered, raising his hands up in defense. “You’ll have to forgive me, sweetheart. I usually remember a pretty face like yours. Were you working this case too?”

“Are you always this charming or am I just lucky?” You quipped, simultaneously snapping the gun in half and tossing it to the side as you advanced on his retreating form. Golden eyes staring him down.

“Okay, definitely not working the case.” He squeaked, stopping as his back ran into one of the barn posts. He looked around before his eyes flickered back up to yours. “Listen, just... just give me a chance to apologize.” 

You paused, letting the gold fade back to y/e/c as you stared down at him. “For what?”

As your feet were swiped out from under you with his own you wanted to kick yourself. You were such an idiot. Such an idiot.

“That, for example,” he smirked, rising to his feet and dusting off his hands.

You glared up at him, noticing two things in that moment: the smug look on his face and the narrow metal rod you could feel resting beneath your hand under a thin layer of dirt and hay. As your hand curled around it, a small smirk found its way to your own lips as you pulled it free from where it had long been forgotten and took a swing at the hunter. Sadly, he had enough time to jump out of the shovel’s way and by the time you were on your feet he had a pitchfork in hand. 

You let out a frustrated shout and took another sing, which he met with his own and soon you were in the middle of a full blown sword fight: Farmer’s Edition. The humor of the situation must not have been lost on the hunter either because he was soon laughing to himself, muttering nonsense about how he loved his job.

A few more clashes of metal and he was directing his comments at you. 

“You fight pretty good for a-”

“For a what?” You interrupted. “A girl? Funny, I didn’t take you for one of those douche bags,” You snapped, enunciating your last words with a more forceful swing.

“For a wolf.”

You met his gaze and couldn’t help but laugh, taking another, less heated, swing at his head. “What? Did you think I’d come at you all teeth and nails?”

“Something like that.”

The smile he sent you almost made you forget you were in the middle of a fight, but you could tell he was thinking the same way and as you saw his guard lower you took your shot. Taking a swipe at his feet and knocking him back to the ground while you stood over him, planting your shovel in the dirt and leaning against the handle.

You stared at each other, both taking the few moments of quiet to catch your breath and gather your thoughts. 

He was the first to break the silence

“I’m Dean.” You quirked an eyebrow at him, amused by the way he was seemingly choosing to forget the last few minutes. When you didn’t respond fast enough he continued, hoping to goad you into it himself. “And you are...?”

“Is this an interrogation,” you teased. “Because from where I’m standing I think I should be the one asking the questions.”

He laughed, reaching a hand up to you. “It’s called an introduction.”

The small gesture brought the reality of the situation crashing back down on you and you stared at his hand hesitantly, your grip tightening on the shovel. “Aren’t you going to kill me?”

He tilted his head to the side, asking you a question of his own as his hand remained outstretched between the two of you. “Are you the one that’s been killing people?”

You shook your head. “I’m trying to stop it.”

“So are we.”

You didn’t know what it was, but there was just something about the hunter that you knew you could trust. That if he said he wasn’t going to kill you, he wouldn't. 

“You’re not at all like the other hunters,” you said, taking his hand and helping him to his feet.

“Thanks,” he chuckled. Clearly having his own internal debate on whether or not that was a good thing. It was, but you would let him figure that one out for himself.

“So, Dean, if you’re not going to kill me what do you want?”

“I’d settle for your name.”

You smiled up at him, noticing the genuine curiosity on his face.

“Y/N.”

He opened his mouth to respond but something behind you caught his eye and he suddenly stepped around you, putting his hands up.

“Woah, woah, woah! Put the gun down. Put the gun down.”

“Who the hell is that?” You recognized the second voice from earlier and turned around, taking in the even taller hunter now standing just inside the doors pointing a gun at you. You probably should have been more alarmed than you were but Dean was already in front of the man, forcing him to lower the gun.

“She’s a friend.”

“You have friends?” The amused tone of his voice told you he was only teasing and you were glad the situation had been so easily defused. They must have been close for the new hunter to not need some sort of explanation.

“Yeah, shocker, I know. She’s helping us with the case, come on.”

They both walked back over to you and you soon learned that the second hunter’s name was Sam. Sam Winchester to be exact. Meaning that your Dean was none other than Dean Winchester. Two hunters that you and literally every other supernatural being you knew prayed to never cross paths with. Yet here you were. 

Your pack would never believe you. After all, no one was supposed to meet the Winchesters and survive to tell the tale. But... these Winchesters were nothing like the tales you’d heard anyways. 

So you took your chances and helped them track down Al. 

You loved Al, you did. He'd been your friend for years and he had never had a problem with pack rules. Granted, the animal only diet your pack ran on was harder for him than those of you born into the life but he toughed it out. It wasn’t until he met a girl from a smaller roaming pack that he flipped, and once he had that first taste there was no going back. 

Your pack had taken out the other three just fine, but Al had managed to avoid all your attempts and had been causing problems for everybody for over a week now. Everyone had known it was a matter of time before hunters showed up, but you had still hoped you could take care of it before that time arrived. You hadn't even known the Winchesters were in town until the night before when you happened to over hear them asking the town sheriff some questions. 

You had instantly hated them because they were hunters, and hunters never seemed to give anyone a chance. Even a clean pack like yours. You were pure-bloods. You could control your changes and you lived off animal hearts. You weren’t a threat, and the pack dealt with any who became one. 

Like Al. 

It wasn’t hard to find him after you teamed up with the brothers. He’d been moving from town to town, doing the same thing every time so it was just a matter of figuring out what building he chose for the kill. 

You and Sam had both been close with your guesses. You were on the right property. He had simply chosen a smaller cabin-like building a couple hundred yards off from the barn. 

You waited outside while the brothers took care of it, occupying yourself with the beauty of the place. It was a simple stone structure but the way the moss and foliage had grown on and around it over the years made it strangely beautiful. What was happening inside was not so beautiful.

But soon enough the brothers were walking back out, offering to help you bury Al of all things. It didn't take too long, and the three of you spent most of the time talking about your vastly different lives. You knew it was their way of trying to keep your mind off the morbid task at hand, but you enjoyed their stories nonetheless. Once it was finished, Dean made his way closer to the cabin, packing up his bag while Sam said his goodbyes to you, pulling you into a hug and telling you that he was ‘sorry about your friend.’ 

The words shocked you. He was a hunter. All Al should have been to him was a monster that needed to be put down, and you agreed. But yet, he still managed to acknowledge the fact that he was also your friend, and for that you found yourself not wanting to let go of the youngest Winchester. He was too good for this world, but the world needed him and you let him go. Watching as he shared a silent exchange with his brother before heading in the direction of the barn and their car.

Once Sam was out of sight you turned your gaze back to where the older Winchester stood, leaning up against one of the crumbling walls of the cabin, packed bag lying at his feet and green eyes already on you. You flashed him a smile, walking over and stopping just in front of him. 

“So...” You both said in unison, causing a blush to rise on your cheeks and both of you to look away with nervous laughs.

You recovered first, going in for a quick hug which he returned before pulling away.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“For what? Killing your friend.”

“I would’ve had to do it anyways,” you offered, hoping that he didn’t actually feel guilty about it. “But no, for... for not being the guy all the stories paint you as. You and Sam.”

“That bad, huh?”

You laughed, nodding your head sheepishly.

“Let’s just say that if I would’ve realized you were a Winchester while I had that gun to your head, I probably would’ve pulled the trigger.”

He placed a hand over his heart in mock hurt.

“I know, I know. But if it helps it’s only because the Winchesters in the stories are such badasses and would have totally kicked my ass.”

Now it was his turn to laugh. “So what? I’m not a badass in real life?”

You grinned, nudging your foot against his. “Oh absolutely not. Real you is a total teddy bear. I’d be the one kicking your fluffy ass.”

He let out a small laugh, letting you know that he knew you were joking, but you could tell that there was something bothering him. 

“You okay?”

He sighed, looking out at the trees as he responded. 

“Yeah, it’s just-”

“You have to go?”

He nodded, turning back to you but still not meeting your gaze. Instead training his eyes on the dirt at your feet. 

“Sam found another job for us a few states over.”

“Then go.” You reached down, picking up his duffle and handing it to him with a reassuring smile. “Go save some people, Dean. It’s what you do. There’s nothing left for you here.”

He looked up at you, wanting to argue with you but ultimately keeping his mouth shut. You leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling him in to a hug.

“If you’re ever back in town, don’t be afraid to say hi, okay?”

He nodded as you reluctantly pulled away, giving you a small smile. “I’ll pick you up. We’ll get dinner.”

“I’d like that,” you smiled, but you knew that day would never come and it was better that way. You were a werewolf. He was a hunter. You were from two different worlds and it was better for everybody if it stayed that way. Whether it felt like it right now or not.

“I’ll see you around, Dean.”

“I’ll see you.”

Forever Tags: @maximoffangel-girl @anotherotter @mariahoedt @goodnightwife @napping-ghost @heycassbutt-67 @hennessy0274-blog @bananyaaa

[neptuneisgay]

Tumblr is not a diary, but im gonna use it as one anyways. I jist finished watching Skam season 3 (aka the best season for obvious reasons) and whats really sticking out to me is the last line "life .. Is now." and like idk but this line os just hitting me real hard. The whole time i was watching this season (which is literally just today cause i watched it all in like 6 hours) i kept feeling this ... Longing ... Craving?? God neither of those are good words but basically i just reallly wanted a relationship like Isak and Evens, like maybe without all the drama but like all the scenes with them cuddling or just holding each other just being in each others presences just made me long for a relationship so much more than i already was. But its not just that, this show as a whole just makes me realize how much im not living. Lile sure im breathing and i wake up every day and most days i eat and drink and occasionally i leave the house but im not living. The lyric or quote i cant really remember which "i wanna live not just survive" as cheesing and cliche as it is, is really the perfect example of how i feel right now, im not living im just surviving and even then its only barely. I want to live so bad. I want to wake up and have places to go and people to see and god i want to live without constantly wanting to die. Life is so short and i know this, but im wasting it, im wasting my life away, as dramatic as that may sound its true. But i dont know how to change it. Im homeschooled, all of my friends are over the internet, the last time i had actual human contact or even just a conversation with someone who wasnt my mom or my brother was October. October. It was 5 months ago. And before that it was 3 months. Before that 7. Im so alone and its killing me. And no one fucking understands because all of my friends have other friends, people who they see everyday and talk to and hang out with whereas im lucky to have one person whos not my mom just text me at least once a day. Im so isolated i feel like im drifting away from reality. My depression has gotten so much worse as well as a new symptom of disassociating. My anxiety has calmed down only because im to depressed to even have panic attacks. Everything scares me. I signed up to do some volunteer work and its taking everything in me not to back out because just the thought of having to go out and do something ive never done before with tbe knowledge that i dont know what the fuck im doing and that ill be completely alone with no one i know, makes me want to jump off a cliff because im so scared of messing it up. My mom wants us to join a church, she wants me to join this youth group so i can make friends and i dont know how to explain to her that im terrified of going there, because no matter how much i love God and i dont believe he hates me or that im going to hell for being who i am, i know that most churches and christians dont think that way, and even tho this church seems very progressive i cant find a single thing about their views on homosexuality and im terrified to go there and make friends and have that constant fear of what would happen if they found out, would they hate me, shun me, tell me im going to hell? And i cant explain this to her because she doesnt get it and no matter how hard she tries shes never going to get that fear. That fear of going to a place where the likely hood of everyone there thinking that your an abomination, something disgusting, and wrong is astronomical. And just im so scared of everything. Im scared to go back to school, sometimes the fear of school and getting there and just failing everything is so bad i think maybe it would be better off if i just died before i can fail. Im so afraid that im not enough. For anything. Im not smart enough. Im not pretty enough. Im not kind enough. Im not strong enough. Or fast enough. Or good enough. Im just not enough. And no amount of studying. Or training. No amount of hard work and determination that adults are always shoving down our throats is going to make me enough. Im so scared of failure. And thats it. Thats my biggest fear. If you ask me in real life what my biggest fear is ill probably say needles, or the ocean, or alligators. But its not. Sure im afraid of those things. But my biggest fear, the thing that keeps my up at night, that keeps me from living and trying, is that no matter how much work i put into to something no matter how much time and effort i put into things, that i can give everything i can possibly have to give, that i can give everything in me there is no more work to be done no more effort to be put in, ive done everything i can do, but it still isnt enough. There is no try harder this is all the try i have. This is me at my full capacity, all of my capabilities are front and center, and its still not enough. Im just not enough. And i never will be. .. And then theres the flip side, the flip side that tells whilst not being enough i am also simultaneously too much. Im too loud. Too annoying. Too clingy. Too energetic . i talk too much, too fast. Im just too much for people to handle. And thats why everyone leaves. Im just too much and not enough all at the same time. I give people too much of all the things they dont want, and not enough of all the things they do. And how do i live knowing this? How do i put myself out there and life this life thats actually worth living when i dont even think i was made for life at all. .. So ya thats the end of the diary entry. If you read this far; im sorry it was so long, i talk too much.